Grace-Based Relationships

In his book Grace Based Parenting, Dr. Tim Kimmel states, "The primary word that defines how God deals with His children is grace." As such, grace should define how we as parents treat our children. To take it one step further, grace should be the crowning characteristic of the way we treat all people. But if you looked at your relationships, would grace be the first word to come into your mind?

If I were to be completely honest, most of my relationships are based on reciprocation, not on grace. A friend does something nice for me, and I want to do something kind for her. Other relationships are characterized by expectations. Work relationships and in-laws and often fall into this category.

But as Christians, as recipients of God's amazing grace, we are therefore to give grace back to others. Andy Stanley once preached a series of sermons on defining what it meant to be "Christian." Today, we usually define someone as a Christian based on what they believe. If someone agrees with a set of doctrines, they are considered Christian. But Andy Stanley suggested that first century Christians not so much based on doctrinal beliefs, but based on how they loved.

If grace defines our relationships, we would be quick to forgive, understanding that we have often wronged others as we feel they have wronged us. If grace characterizes the way we treat people, we would not hold grudges. Instead, we would treat others in the way we wish to be treated, not based on how they have treated us in the past. We would not be so quick to condemn. We would be quick to listen.

When it comes to our children, grace-based parenting is tricky business. For one thing, it means recognizing that parenting is a fluid thing, based on relationships with unique little people who have very different personalities. It isn't about a set of rules that promises to churn out obedient little creatures. If we treat our children with grace, it might sometimes mean that we will appear to be bad parents to other (more legalistic) parents. But parenting with grace means that we choose to respect our children and see them as the wonderful, unique creations for which God has His own purposes. I think it comes down to placing more trust in God than in ourselves to raise them into the men and women they are supposed to be.

And so, don't be afraid to let grace define your relationships. God is a God of grace, and when we extend grace to others, we are reflecting is character.