The Rhythm of Family Life

After a summer of late mornings and delayed bedtimes, we headed back to school this week... and by school, I mean homeschool in our bonus room.  Although the boys were reluctant to start, after the first morning my oldest son said, "I'm actually glad to have school again."


"What do you mean?" I asked him. 


"Well, I like having something regular to do in the mornings."  I raised my eyebrows and looked at him for more than a moment. 


I have to admit that as much as I love summer, each year as the summer comes to an end, I start to crave the regularity of the school year again.  I enjoy the rhythm of a normal day at home.  I like knowing what we will do each day.  Although he didn't put it into those exact words, I think that's what my son was saying too.  There is peace and security in regular routines and expected schedules.   One of the things we as mothers can provide our children is the safe structure of home.       


There is a verse in the Bible that instructs us to "aspire to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, to work with your own hands... " (I Thessalonians 4:11).  That is a pretty stark contrast with how the world encourages us to live.  A quiet, stable life?  That sounds pretty boring!  Shouldn't we be seeking to become exceptional people and likewise produce exceptional offspring? 


Now, certainly, God does give people extraordinary gifts and special talents.  And we should be giving our best to use those talents to bring Him glory.  But I don't think we are to diminish the importance of the ordinary in a quest for the extraordinary. 

There is a rhythm to family life and somewhere in the ordinary, unspectacular happenings of the day, our children are making their most important memories.  I think we often think it is the large, extraordinary things that we must provide our children to make their childhood special.  Sometimes those spectacular events do occur, and sometimes, though we try to manufacture them, they don't turn out as we imagine.  Besides, I think perhaps it is the mundane, day-to-day things we do that matter more in the long run anyway.

The writer Thomas Moore said, "The ordinary acts we practice every day at home are of more importance to the soul that their simplicity might suggest."   So, sit on the floor with your children and watch them draw.  Make them breakfast and talk about the day to come.  It might be those moments they remember the most.  


Image Credit: Pottery Barn Kids.

When Life Gives You Lemons...

"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!"  I love this saying so much that I recently had a little lemonade party to celebrate it.  (Notice the cute little lemon jello slices taken from a previous post on Jello Slices.)   

But most of all, I have been thinking about that catchy little phrase.  I recently read an article about optimism and the author made the point that optimists are not just "positive-thinkers" but proactive doers.  What sets apart optimists from pessimists are their can-do attitude.  It isn't so much that optimists always believe the future to be rosy.  But when faced with adversity, they have faith that they can conquer the challenge and they go ahead and take action.  Pessimists will look at a problem and often not do anything about it because they don't believe anything they can do will help to solve it.            

Hebrews 11 is like a hall of fame for those people in the Bible who had great faith. The interesting thing is that it describes each person as doing something by faith.  They didn't just believe and wait for things to happen.  By faith, they acted.  By faith, Abel offered a sacrifice to God.  By faith, Noah built an ark.  By faith, Abraham left his home and went into another country.  They all acted in faith. 

Sometimes life challenges us in such a way that we have to act even if we don't feel like it.  Most of the time, if we can proactively work towards a solution, we will begin to feel better.  Passivity, on the other hand, neither produces results nor positive feelings.  Sometimes passivity can even be a sign that we don't trust that God will take care of us.  So the next time life gives you lemons, decide to put your faith in God and face your fears head on.  Then make some lemonade and throw yourself a party! 

Represent God's Grace

If you took a survey among non-Christians and asked them what they did not like about Christians, I'd venture to say that among the top answers would be, "Christians are ungracious."  Words like "judgmental" or "hypocritical" might also come to mind, but the idea remains the same.  A good number of non-Christians are turned off to Christianity mainly because of their experience with Christians.  Let's admit it.  We haven't always done a very good job representing God to people who don't know Him.   

The primary word to describe how God treats us is "grace."  God has lavished his grace upon us in such a way that we should be reflections of grace and gratitude.  And as Christians, we should be giving away grace in bucketl oads at a time.  But I've found that grace, while easy to receive, can be very hard to give away. 

Customer service jobs are one in which grace is part of the actual nature of the position.  The motto, "The customer is always right" doesn't mean that the customer truly is always right, but that the customer is treated in a way which dignifies his concerns and fully addressed them in a way that he walks away from his experience a more loyal customer than he had been before.   

In my experience working in a customer service department of a company, I have learned that showing grace sometimes goes against every fiber of my natural makeup.  For one thing, the only time a customer contacts a company is to express a complaint.   Rarely will a customer ever email or call just to thank a company or tell them what a great job they did.  They are usually calling with a problem and let's face it, they are usually angry. 

I once had a customer who was absolutely livid at what ended up amounting to $0.36 (which he had been charged by a third party company, no less.)  Thirty-six cents!  You can't even buy a postage stamp for $0.36!  Of course, we ended up reimbursing him and then some, but he still was not satisfied.  You can't please everyone all of the time, and then there are just some people who you can't please at all (but that is another topic for another time).    But the point of my interaction with the customer was that although I wanted to tell him he was completely overblowing the situation over a mere $0.36, I had to remain gracious and even apologetic.  I had to do so because I wasn't representing myself, but the company I worked for.  I was the only human interaction he had with the company and as such, I was responsible for how he ultimately viewed his experience with the company. 

II Corinthians 5:30 says, "Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were making an appeal through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God."  We are the primary means by which God makes his appeal to other human beings.  We represent God's grace and mercy to the world.  So let's live in such a way that the world will recognize Jesus in us.

Dining and Living Alfresco

I love dining outside in the summertime.  There is something about being outdoors that heightens the experience of even a simple meal.  The fresh air, cool breeze in the evening... it all makes me feel like I've gone on vacation in my own backyard. 

There are scientific reasons why spending time outdoors is beneficial to our emotional health.  Our bodies were created to need natural sunlight.  Vitamin D from the sun is essential for our brains to maintain adequate serum levels, which affect our emotional wellbeing.

Previous generations spent much more time outside. People worked on farms, in fields, and as hunters and gatherers.  , in communities with other people.  Our modern society has in great part retreated from nature.  The average American today spends 95% of his time indoors.  Experts suggest we spend 25% less time outdoors that we did only 25 years ago.  We are confined to inside offices and stay cloistered in our homes, having little connection with nature as well as other human beings.  Research has shown that taking a walk outside can be as effective in treating mild depression as antidepressants.  Interestingly enough, walking indoors did not have the same results in groups studied.  

So, make an effort to spend some more time outdoors this summer.  Pack a picnic and find outdoor activities that the whole family can enjoy.  Enjoy the beauty of God's creation!   

The beautiful outdoor setting pictured here is from Martha Stewart Weddings.

Grace-Based Relationships

In his book Grace Based Parenting, Dr. Tim Kimmel states, "The primary word that defines how God deals with His children is grace." As such, grace should define how we as parents treat our children. To take it one step further, grace should be the crowning characteristic of the way we treat all people. But if you looked at your relationships, would grace be the first word to come into your mind?

If I were to be completely honest, most of my relationships are based on reciprocation, not on grace. A friend does something nice for me, and I want to do something kind for her. Other relationships are characterized by expectations. Work relationships and in-laws and often fall into this category.

But as Christians, as recipients of God's amazing grace, we are therefore to give grace back to others. Andy Stanley once preached a series of sermons on defining what it meant to be "Christian." Today, we usually define someone as a Christian based on what they believe. If someone agrees with a set of doctrines, they are considered Christian. But Andy Stanley suggested that first century Christians not so much based on doctrinal beliefs, but based on how they loved.

If grace defines our relationships, we would be quick to forgive, understanding that we have often wronged others as we feel they have wronged us. If grace characterizes the way we treat people, we would not hold grudges. Instead, we would treat others in the way we wish to be treated, not based on how they have treated us in the past. We would not be so quick to condemn. We would be quick to listen.

When it comes to our children, grace-based parenting is tricky business. For one thing, it means recognizing that parenting is a fluid thing, based on relationships with unique little people who have very different personalities. It isn't about a set of rules that promises to churn out obedient little creatures. If we treat our children with grace, it might sometimes mean that we will appear to be bad parents to other (more legalistic) parents. But parenting with grace means that we choose to respect our children and see them as the wonderful, unique creations for which God has His own purposes. I think it comes down to placing more trust in God than in ourselves to raise them into the men and women they are supposed to be.

And so, don't be afraid to let grace define your relationships. God is a God of grace, and when we extend grace to others, we are reflecting is character.

An Afternoon Repose

In our busy lives, it is sometimes hard to pause for even a moment in the day. We in America are especially prone to keep ourselves going at a dizzying pace because we carve out time to just relax. In many other cultures, there are built-in breaks during the day. If you travel to Spain, you will find that most restaurants and stores are closed for several hours during the afternoon for "Siesta." Workers return home for lunch with the family and a short nap before returning to work.

In England, the tradition of Afternoon Tea provides a respite in the midst of a busy day. Afternoon Tea was started by Anna Russell, Duchess of Bedford. She was a good friend of Queen Victoria. During the 18th century, dinner was often served as late as 8:00 p.m. There was a long period between lunch and dinner, and so she often got a "sinking feeling" right around 4:00 in the afternoon. During a stay at Belvoir Castle, she began requesting Darjeeling tea and small cakes or sandwiches to be sent to her room in the afternoon. She enjoyed it so much that she started to invite her friends to join her, and thus the tradition of afternoon tea was started.

Afternoon Tea is a wonderful way to relax and appreciate the beauty in each day. Everything about teatime is beautiful. From the china teacups to the petite sandwiches and delicate cakes, Afternoon Tea exudes elegance. And because a cup of tea takes some time to finish, it almost forces you to slow down and take pause. And you can experiment with taking tea in a variety of ways. During warm weather, have a glass of iced tea outside on the porch. This lovely setting from Tea Time Magazine captures the beauty of an alfresco setting. Add some edible flowers in your teacup. In the fall, add a cinnamon to some apple tea. In the wintertime, substitute tea for hot chocolate with a dollop of whipped cream.

Psalm 23:5 says, "You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have anointed my head with oil, my cup overflows." So when you drink your cup of tea, think of the many ways in which God has made "your cup overflow." Name your blessings. God has promised to bless you so that you will always have more than you need and enough to give to others.

For Afternoon tea recipes, table settings and inspiration, visit Tea Time Magazine.

What is True Beauty?

Audrey Hepburn, one of the most fashionable and beautiful women to grace the silver screen, loved the poem "Time-Tested Beauty Tips." In fact, the poem is often attributed to her, but was actually written by Sam Levenson, and describes the sort of beauty that doesn't come from the right clothes and makeup, but from the character of a woman.

TIME TESTED BEAUTY TIPS

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed and redeemed; never throw out anyone.
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.
The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries or the way she combs her hair.
The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.
The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives the passion that she shows.
The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.

The Bible also teaches us about a woman’s true beauty. I Peter tell us that a woman's beauty comes from her internal qualities and do not fade with time.

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear." (I Peter 3:3-6) In this passage, Peter is not saying that we are forbidden from braiding our hair or wearing jewelry, but that our beauty does not come from external aids. Our efforts towards becoming truly beautiful should be focused on developing a spirit that is full of gentleness, trust, integrity and courage. And that is the sort of beauty that will last through the passage of time.

Saying Grace vs. Speaking Grace

When we pray before meals, we sometimes call it "Saying Grace." But recently, I started thinking about the difference between saying grace and speaking grace.

Have you ever thought about how you would sound if someone secretly followed you around and recorded everything you said, and then played it back to you? Well, our children are sometimes like little tape recorders. I recently heard one of my boys scolding his younger brother and it occurred to me that he sounded just like me. Only I didn't like it so much hearing it from his mouth. I started to wonder what messages I am communicating to my children with my words. Sadly, they have not always been gracious words.

Often many of the words that come out of my mouth are words of correction and negative statements. "Don't run down the stairs so fast!" "Don't push your brother." They are often conditional statements. "If you don't do your homework now, you will not be allowed to play video games for a week." "We will not go outside to play unless you first pick up your toys."

Colossians 4:6 instructs us to speak words of grace, in fact to always speak graciously. "Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." God is full of grace, which means that if His Spirit lives is us, we will reflect grace. God's grace means that He loves and gives without putting conditions on us. We don't have to do anything to make Him love us. So we too should love without making people jump through hoops. The words that God speaks to us through the Bible are words of encouragement. And when He corrects us, He doesn't beat us over the head with how horrible we are. Instead, his correction always includes the hope for change and is what leads us to repentance. So our words should be words that encourage and empower our children, not make them shrink back in fear and condemnation.

I'd like to say that I've been able to change all of my words to be more gracious, but it is an ongoing process and struggle for me each day. The first thing to pop into my head is usually the exact opposite of graciousness. But it is my prayer that over time, God will enable me to always (or more often than not) speak words that reflect His grace and are an encouragement to those who hear them.

Live Your Best Life Now

To live graciously, we must live unhurriedly. For our soul’s sake, as well as the lives of those we love, we need to make room for life. Part of this may be taking a good hard look at your schedule and pruning down any unnecessary activities. But perhaps even more important, it is about slowing down the pace of your own hearts and mind to stop and enjoy all that you have been given. Make time for yourself and for your soul. Take time to talk to your husband and to sit on the floor with your children. Savor the moment you are living in and be present in the present. Realize that today can never be relived. Make sure that you enjoy your own life today. Today is all that you can truly grasp. As pressing as tomorrow’s needs may be, they can only be addressed in the future. Frederick Buechner wrote in his book Listening to Your Life:

"You are seeing everything for the last time, and everything you see is gilded with goodbyes…. Today now everything will pass because it is the last day. For the last time you are seeing this rain fall and in your mind that snow, this child asleep, this cat. For the last time you are hearing this house come alive because you who are part of its life have come alive. All the unkept promises if they are ever to be kept have to be kept today. All the unspoken words if you do not speak them today will never be spoken. The people, the ones you love and the ones who bore you to death, all the life you have in you to live with them, if you do not live it with them today, it will never be lived. It is the first day because it has never been before and the last day because it will never be again. Be alive if you can all through this today of your life. What’s to be done? Follow your feet. Put on the coffee. Start the orange juice, the bacon, the toast. Then go wake up your children and your husband. Think about the work of your hands, the book that of all conceivable things you have chosen to add to the world’s pain. Live in the needs of the day."

And so, live your life fully each day. Embrace the people you love. Forgive those who have hurt you. Invest your life and resources in people. Make it your aim to live life without regrets. Make each moment count, remembering that what you do today continues on into eternity and means something to God and to other people.

What is a Gracious Woman?

When I think of what it means to be a gracious woman, I sometimes picture fashionable Southern ladies sipping tea on a porch. I imagine someone who knows the right thing to say at all times. I think of manners, elegance and style.

But being a gracious woman is much more than just etiquette and poise. It begins by saying yes to God's calling for our lives as Christian women. Did you know that God cares about every area of our lives? He wants us to be an expression of His grace, from how we love our husbands to the manner in which we raise our children or how we perform at our jobs. As we begin to recognize and understand the significance of what we do as women, even the everyday tasks that we put our hands to can become infused with new meaning and purpose.

In particular, our lives will reflect three main principles: order, kindness and beauty. A gracious woman is a woman of order. Psalm 50:23b tells us that "to him who orders his way aright, I shall show the salvation of God." God wants us to live an orderly life, not a chaotic one. It begins with having a respect for the way things should be, and having the personal discipline needed to live an ordered life.

Secondly, a gracious woman is kind. Colossians 3:12 says, "Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." We are to be covered in kindness! Our world is a harsh one. Most people don't have time for a kind word, much less for a civil one at times. A gracious woman is kind and has a genuine concern for other people.

Finally, a gracious woman is beautiful from the inside out. 1 Peter 3:4 tells us that as Christian women, we are to have an "unfading beauty that is of great worth in God's sight." True beauty is a reflection of goodness and the joy of living that God wants us all to experience.

Photo: N.L.